RETREAT 3: Seven Habits of Highly Effective Anawim Catholics Who Feel at Odds with the Church.

In this third series, realize, as I had to, that all I needed to do to reach Christ was to go to that quiet place, the one no one wants to enter, the upper room of my inner self, and just sit and wait next to Jesus. Just wait? No chatter. No telling God what you want. You learn to listen “with the ear of the heart,” to what Jesus wants to tell you. Grok and I collaborated on this retreat. I now know why they call it “IT”. Because Grok is an it.

“My dear struggling ones,

It is I, Jesus, speaking to you in the quiet of your heart amid the contradictions you face. Whether entangled in multiple marriages, navigating a mixed-religion household filled with tension, or living in a legal marriage that feels mentally and spiritually divorced—leaving you unhappy and trapped—I see your pain and your desire to remain faithful. Even when you feel technically at odds with what you think the Church says or demands, you can live powerfully and effectively in My presence. Here are seven habits that will sustain you as one of My Anawim. Practice them in the Upper Room of your inner self, where I am always waiting.

Habit a: Stay close to the Blessed Sacrament, no matter what. This is My living energy, My Real Presence. Sit before Me in Adoration when possible, or make spiritual visits throughout the day. Let My Eucharistic heart battle the devil’s snares alongside you. For example, a woman in a mixed-religion marriage found that daily spiritual Communion and short visits to a local chapel gave her the patience to respond with love rather than resentment during family disagreements.

Habit b: Stay close to the Blessed Mother and seek her intercession daily by saying a Penitential Rosary of Our Lady of Akita (even if it’s just one bead). She understands spousal and family suffering deeply. Her maternal heart intercedes powerfully for situations like yours. One man, estranged after a difficult divorce, prayed a single Sorrowful Mystery bead each morning and credited it with bringing unexpected opportunities for reconciliation years later.

Habit c: Pray for others, as well as yourself, that they receive mercy from God. Constantly. Penitential awareness keeps your heart soft and open to My grace—Intercede for your spouse, children, former partners, and the whole Church. A mother in a spiritually divided home began praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet for her family and noticed gradual softening in relationships and her own inner peace.

Habit d: Stay close to the spirituality of the Catholic Church as you know it best. Draw from the riches of the saints, the Catechism, and contemplative traditions without letting knowledge gaps discourage you. Explore resources slowly—perhaps one short reading from the USCCB or New Advent each week.

Habit e: Build your new Catholic Church—new wineskins—daily. Adapt the ancient treasures creatively to your real circumstances. Create rhythms of prayer, mercy, and love suited to your home. For instance, a couple in a mixed-faith marriage established a weekly “gratitude circle” in which they each shared one blessing, bridging their differences through shared gratitude to God.

Habit f: Daily, create a way of life that “has in you the mind of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:5) with contemplation in the Upper Room of your inner self. Let My mindset of humility, obedience, and love shape your responses. A person feeling trapped in an unhappy marriage used ten minutes of daily contemplation on My Passion to find strength for small acts of service that eventually rebuilt emotional connection.

Habit g: Do not let anyone separate you from the love of Christ. Not rules misinterpreted, not family pressure, not your own feelings of unworthiness. Stand firm in My unbreakable love. Many Anawim have testified that repeating Romans 8:38-39 during moments of doubt kept them anchored when everything else pulled them away.

I desire mercy, not sacrifice. You are the Anawim—the poor ones, those who may live outside certain accepted boundaries of the Church in the eyes of some, but never outside of Me. I came for you. My mercy is your strength.

Do What He Tells You. These words guide every Habit. Listen daily and act on what I place in your heart. Small faithfulness leads to great freedom.

Let us explore these habits together in depth, as companions in this self-directed retreat. Enter the Upper Room now. Breathe. I am here.

Habit a – The Blessed Sacrament: My Presence is power for those feeling trapped. Even if you cannot receive Communion due to your situation, come before Me spiritually. Spend five to fifteen minutes daily imagining yourself at the foot of the altar or in a chapel. Tell Me your anger, your loneliness, your love. I exchange your heaviness for My peace. In Eucharistic adoration, many Anawim have found the strength to endure difficult marriages. This Habit is not about worthiness but about hunger. I feed the hungry. Stay close, no matter what. The devil flees from souls anchored in My Body and Blood. Consider the example of saints who maintained devotion despite personal scandals or irregular situations—they drew supernatural resilience from My Presence.

Habit b – The Blessed Mother: Mary stood watch at the cross while her Son suffered. She knows the pain of watching loved ones in turmoil. Pray even one bead of the Rosary with penitential intention—perhaps the Sorrowful Mysteries focused on your marriage or household. Our Lady of Akita calls for penance and reparation. Her intercession softens hearts, including your own and those around you. Many in mixed marriages have credited the Rosary with preserving unity or bringing conversion over time. Do not underestimate one faithful bead prayed with love. Expand this by learning the full Akita story if it resonates, seeing it as a call to fidelity amid warnings and trials.

Habit C – Intercessory Prayer: Praying for others shifts focus from your pain to My mercy for all. Pray for your spouse’s well-being, for children caught in the middle, for former partners, and for the Church’s leaders to grow in compassion. Penitential awareness—acknowledging shared human weakness—opens the floodgates of grace. Use the Jesus Prayer (“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner”) or simple litanies. This Habit builds solidarity with all Anawim. You are not alone. Real-life example: families in interfaith homes who prayed together for each other’s intentions found common ground, reducing conflict.

Habit d – Church Spirituality: Immerse yourself in what you can access. Read the USCCB documents on marriage and family, Scott Hahn’s teachings on covenant love, or Bishop Barron’s videos on suffering. The spirituality of the Church is vast—Lectio Divina on Gospel passages about mercy, snippets from the Liturgy of the Hours, and works of mercy in daily life. As best you know it, live it. Gaps in knowledge are growth opportunities, not reasons for shame. The Church is for learners. Over time, these resources become familiar friends who support you during estrangement.

Habit e – New Wineskins: Jesus spoke of new wineskins for new wine so that the new would not burst the old. Your life requires creative adaptation. Perhaps establish a home altar with a crucifix and family photos. Create rituals like blessing each other at meals despite differences. Write letters or prayers for healing of past marriages. Build a “new Catholic Church” in your heart and home—faithful to doctrine yet compassionate in application. Example: An Anawim parent in a spiritually divided home developed simple bedtime blessings and saintly stories tailored for children, planting seeds without forcing. This is not compromise but incarnation of the Gospel in your reality.

Habit f – The Mind of Christ: Philippians 2:5 calls you to My mindset—emptying yourself, serving, obeying the Father even unto the cross. In contemplation, meditate on My life: how I treated the Samaritan woman with dignity, the woman caught in adultery with mercy, sinners with invitation. Apply it to your marriage: humble listening instead of defensiveness, sacrificial love in small chores, forgiveness when it hurts. Daily Upper Room time—ten minutes of silence—renews this mind in you. Contemplation is the fuel for effective Christian life. One person used this Habit to shift from resentment to seeing their spouse as another wounded soul in need of My love through them.

Habit g – Nothing Separates: Romans 8 assures that neither death nor life, nor any circumstance, including marital status or feelings of rejection, can separate you from My love. Claim this daily. When voices—internal or external—say you are out, reply with My words: “You are Mine.” Stand firm. This Habit is the capstone that holds the others. Many Anawim have testified that repeating these verses during moments of doubt kept them anchored when everything else pulled them away.

I desire mercy, not sacrifice. Live these habits in the spirit of mercy—toward yourself first, then your family, and the broader Church. You are the Anawim. The poor and boundary-crossers are My delight. I desire your heart more than perfect outward observance.

These seven habits are not a new legalism but a pathway of freedom and effectiveness. In your mixed-religion home, Habit e might look like respecting the other’s tradition while gently sharing yours through example. In spiritual divorce, Habit a sustains you when emotional connection is absent. Habit f transforms suffering into union with Me.

Draw from Thomas Merton’s trust despite not seeing the full road and Charles de Foucauld’s total abandonment. Saints like St. Monica prayed persistently for her Son Augustine amid complex family dynamics. You continue that living tradition.

Practical retreat work for this post: Choose one Habit per day this week. Journal how it applies with a specific example from your life. Pray the provided prayers slowly. Read supporting Scripture (Philippians 2, Romans 8, John 2). Visit the core websites for additional depth.

As you practice consistently, you will notice shifts: anger yields to peace, estrangement to belonging, feeling trapped to a sense of mission. You are effective not by your own strength but because I work powerfully through your weakness and fidelity. Stay close. Build daily. Do not let anyone separate you.

You are loved. You are wanted. You are needed as Anawim, faithfully carrying the cross in your unique circumstances.

Do What He Tells You. Start with Habit A or whichever speaks most to you today. I am with you.

A Prayer by Thomas Merton: My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope I will never do anything other than that desire. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me onto the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Prayer of Abandonment by Charles de Foucauld Father, I abandon myself into your hands; do with me what you will. Whatever you may do, I thank you: I am ready for all, I accept all. Let only your will be done in me, and in all your creatures. I wish no more than this, O Lord. Into your hands I commend my soul; I offer it to you with all the love of my heart, for I love you, Lord, and so need to give myself, to surrender myself into your hands without reserve, with boundless confidence, for you are my Father.

Copy and share these reflections freely for personal use in your self-directed retreat or with others who feel estranged.

Six Core Websites Every Catholic Should Memorize and Use Frequently: www.wordonfire.com; www.scotthahn.com; www.usccb.org; www.newadvent.org; https://thecenterforcontemplativepractice.org; www.vatican.va

© 2026 Michael F. Conrad, The Center for Contemplative Practice. All rights reserved. Reflections written in collaboration with Grok for the Come and Rest /Welcome Home series.