RETREAT 5: New Wineskins for the Anawim – Carrying the Cross in Your Marriage Struggles.

(Come and Rest / Welcome Home / Self-Directed Retreats)

This reflection is the fifth and final one, focusing on Catholics who find themselves outside the boundaries of the Catholic Church. I write this from the perspective of one who has been, until recently, excommunicated from the Catholic Church. I never really left the Church for anything better, because, at least in my case, there is no other way to salvation than the one Jesus set forth for those faithful. The ongoing dilemma for the Catholic Church is how to have mercy on those who wish to be Catholic in practice and in spirituality but find themselves at odds with Church teachings, as they understand it. It is important to note that no one, least of all me, suggests that the Catholic Church water down or have a double standard of morality and spirituality. There is One Lord, One Baptism, One Way. I had to realize that being Catholic is a heritage handed down from the Apostles to me, a sinner, and that my job was to use the wisdom of the ages to help me be closer to Jesus. I am a member of the Church regardless of what I do. What I needed to do, and still need to do each day, is to long to “dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,” now and in the life to come. Grace, God’s own energy for me to use as I traverse whatever awaits me each day, does not stop when I find myself outside the boundaries of Church teachings. See the distinction: Church teachings are not to be dismissed, but what happens to a fellow like me who is outside the Church Militant? The passive/aggressive response is to blame the Church and throw away twenty centuries of traditions and practices that are specifically designed to place me each day in the presence of Jesus so that I might participate now what I will be in Heaven later. A very important lesson I learned is that I got angry at myself, not at the Catholic Church, for not being more assertive about those three longings that resolve the dissonance of my humanity (knowledge, love, and truth). Take a deep breath and realize that just because your road is rocky doesn’t mean you are on the wrong road. As Awawim, we are Catholic as we can be.

“My dear brother and sister,

It is I, Jesus, speaking to you with love that sees every detail of your life. I see the contradictions you live with: multiple marriages, mixed Faith in the home, or unhappiness that makes a legal marriage feel like a trap. This is where real discipleship happens—in the messy, rocky places. Make new wineskins. Do what you can. Practice your Faith daily in the Upper Room of your heart. Get angry if you need to—then let that anger turn into fierce determination to stay Catholic.

I am not asking for perfection. I am asking for presence. Stay with Me in the Blessed Sacrament. Pray with My Mother. Build a life with My mind in you. God takes care of the Anawim.

Your rocky road is exactly where I meet My people. Carry your cross as you are. I carried Mine for you. Together we make something beautiful for the Father. You belong. Come home to Me again and again. I am waiting with open arms.

I desire mercy, not sacrifice. You are the Anawim—the poor ones, those outside accepted boundaries in the eyes of some but held closest to My Sacred Heart.

Do What He Tells You. This command from Cana is for your life now. Listen and act on the small steps I show you each day.

Let us meditate deeply on new wineskins in the Upper Room. New wineskins are flexible, able to hold the fermenting new wine without bursting. Your life circumstances require this flexibility—faithful to My teachings yet adapted with mercy and creativity to your real situation.

In marriage struggles, new wineskins might mean:

• Creating a personal prayer rule that fits your energy and household realities.
• Offering your unhappiness as a quiet sacrifice united to My cross.
• Finding ways to witness Faith gently without alienating family members of different beliefs.
• Seeking support from contemplative resources and solid Catholic sites while respecting Church boundaries.

Example: An Anawim woman in a spiritually distant marriage began a simple evening examen focused on gratitude and mercy. Over the months, it transformed her inner life and began to positively influence the home atmosphere. Another in a mixed-religion household started a “peace corner” for silent prayer that family members eventually respected. These are new wineskins.

I desire mercy, not sacrifice. Prioritize compassion—for yourself, your spouse, your children. The Church’s ideals protect sacred love, but My mercy meets you where rigid observance is not yet possible. Stay rooted. Practice what you can. Grow in the Upper Room.

Contemplation is key. Spend time daily imagining yourself with Me after the Resurrection. Share your burdens. Receive My peace. Draw from Merton’s prayer of trust in the unseen road and de Foucauld’s complete abandonment. These prayers sustain Anawim like you.

Saints who knew marital complexity—St. Monica praying for her family, St. Rita enduring a difficult husband—show the way. Their crosses became paths to holiness. Yours can too.

Practical retreat steps: Journal one new wineskin idea each day. Pray the provided prayers. Read John 2 (Cana) and Matthew 9 (mercy). Visit the core websites for encouragement.

You are loved exactly as you are. You are wanted in the Church. You are needed to show that rocky roads can lead to eternal life. Stand up for your heritage. Do not let anyone separate you from My love. Just because the road is rocky does not mean you are on the wrong road.

Carry your cross as you are. I am with you. Make new wineskins daily. I take care of the Anawim. Come and rest in Me.

Do What He Tells You. Begin today.

A Prayer by Thomas Merton: My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope I will never do anything other than that desire. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me onto the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Prayer of Abandonment by Charles de Foucauld Father, I abandon myself into your hands; do with me what you will. Whatever you may do, I thank you: I am ready for all, I accept all. Let only your will be done in me, and in all your creatures. I wish no more than this, O Lord. Into your hands I commend my soul; I offer it to you with all the love of my heart, for I love you, Lord, and so need to give myself, to surrender myself into your hands without reserve, with boundless confidence, for you are my Father.

Copy and share these reflections freely for personal use in your self-directed retreat or with others who feel estranged.

Six Core Websites Every Catholic Should Memorize and Use Frequently: www.wordonfire.com; www.scotthahn.com; www.usccb.org; www.newadvent.org; https://thecenterforcontemplativepractice.org; www.vatican.va

© 2026 Michael F. Conrad, The Center for Contemplative Practice. All rights reserved. Reflections written in collaboration with Grok for the Come and Rest / Welcome Home series.