A MOSAIC PIECE OF MY LIFE: My lifelong hunt for heavenly gold. Filiments to forever.

Having examined how I view reality (which may or may not be the way you see things), I have almost by chance discovered the door of my life, which contains six locks. Very late in life, when I first romanced the notion of Lectio Divina as a defining approach to listening to God with “the ear of the heart,” what came from this series for meditations and sometimes even contemplations is not my doing. You can view my blogs going back to 2017 if you want to probe deeper into my thought process (or lack thereof).

It would be untrue to say that they did not come from me or that I did not create them. On the other hand, I don’t think like this. I can honestly say that all of these ideas come from a lifetime of trying to answer the three fundamental questions I have in my heart, ones that are in the process of discovery as I do more and more abandonment to listen to the whispers of Christ.

These three questions only blundered into my consciousness last year (2024). You would think that the very essence of what it means to be human would have surfaced before then, but, as the saying goes, “There is a time for everything under heaven.” In my past several blogs, I have tried to use them as invisible, insatiable, and also unobtainable longings of my human heart, ones that haunt my spirituality and compel me to seek a deeper reality than what I now possess. They are:

1. THE UNREQUITED LONGING TO BECOME MORE HUMAN IS NUANCED BY THE NEXT LEVEL OF MY HUMAN EVOLUTION. (Conversio Morae) I achieve this by having had to abandon everything that I thought provided my humanity with meaning in favor of what seems like, the absurdity of a fairy tale, that there is a force out there that guides the destiny of all reality (physical, mental, and spiritual universes) toward a prescribed destiny. The next level of my humanity is not automatic, as it is in the physical and mental universes, but, because of the uniqueness of reason and the ability to choose what is right versus what just makes the moment fulfilled, depends upon my free choice to say YES to the way of life that is opposite to what the world considers fulfilling. I choose this next level of my humanity, being an adopted son (daughter) of the Father, not with the power of my humanity, which is limited in scope, but by choosing to link myself with the energy of pure reason, pure love, and pure truth. As a Lay Cistercian, I have had to learn the terribly humiliating truth that “Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory,” and that to move to the next level of my humanity as nature intended, I must ask for the help of a power that I can’t totally possess or manipulate. I do this by placing myself in the presence of Christ, through the power of the Holy Spirit of Truth, and then just waiting patiently, and gently for my humanity to calm itself for me to be able to receive the energy of pure love, pure service and pure knowledge, as I am capable of assimilating it. I do so with as much abandonment of my false self as I can muster each day, in silence, solitude, in prayer, with work, in the context of the institutional Church (Universal Church, Hierarchical Church, Diocesan Gathering, Parish Gathering, and finally my expression of this energy through Lay Cistercian practices and charisms as found in The Cistercian Way.} My point is that my energy to move forward in complexity and consciousness towards my destiny must happen with my personal choice or YES to the invitation from God (Baptism) to inherit this kingdom which I am preparing for while on earth.
2. LONGING TO LOVE WITH MY WHOLE MIND, MY WHOLE HEART, ALL MY STRENGTH. Love, as I have learned from Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving, is not a habit that is infused within my human capacity for inquiry (knowledge) but must be learned, and, learned correctly. I wake up as a human, gradually assimilating experiences into my consciousness (and unconsciousness) that make me who I am. I realize that life is a process of trying to love, failing around to put physical love, mental love, and then spiritual love into a context of my life’s experiences that make sense. I must choose authentic love to place at my center, not some fleeting profane fad of the day. That choice for me is The Christ Principle, a love whose energy is outside of my humanity but nevertheless can overshadow it if only I relinquish my will to transform myself into a new creation that is more and more the Real Presence of Christ in me and less those sinful tendencies that pull me back to doing my own will. As a Lay Cistercian, I use the power of practices that stress just listening with the “ear of the Heart,” and align my mind and heart together to be able to receive the warming and nourishing energy from Christ through the Holy Spirit. My food in this New Jerusalem is Jesus in the Real Presence, present to my tabernacle of the Holy Spirit in this broken down, old temple of the Holy Spirit. My immune system to the constant flood of waves from original sin is forgiveness of sins, penance, reparation for my sins, and praying for the living and the dead that they find mercy even as I pray for that same mercy for myself from Christ.
3. BEHAVIOR THAT REFLECTS THAT MY MIND AND HEART ARE ONE WITH THE TRUTH THAT COMES FROM THE ENERGY OF GOD. I long to be in a state of resonance with my humanity and love with the truth that is beyond human expectations. I choose The Christ Principle as my center daily because the truth is that my measurement is the one who created all reality (of which I claim 83.11 years). Sin is dissonance or my inability to align my humanity with the source of all energy. Think about this! I am made in the image and likeness of God, but, as a human have no idea what that is or means. Through my Lectio Divina, I gradually creep up to the notion that, like receiving unique genes from two different persons, I have one set that makes me who I am. After I am born, I use those chromosomes to add unique experiences and to discover these three longings of my human heart. I reflect on that from which I received my initial humanity. What I discover in a lifetime of choosing good and bad, is what satisfied the hungry heart. Making all things new is key for a Lay Cistercian, using the Sacrament of Reconciliation but also having a penitential mindset of always asking for God’s mercy and understanding of my human frailty. The truth here is the awareness that what is sustainable and incorruptible can only come from God, who is beyond the limitations of matter and time.

But, how can I, with my mere human knowledge and ability to love, know there is a living force out there that will satisfy these three longings of my human heart? By myself, with my human nature, I can’t rise to that next level of my humanity, one that may only be accessed if I die to self and limited assumptions about what is true, to tap into the energy of my next level of human evolution.

I CAN HEAR THE WHISPERS OF GOD IN MY LONGING TO REACH RESONANCE WITHIN MY HUMANITY.

I know about God because of these three innate longings within me that I have discovered through being a Lay Cistercian and using Lectio Divina and Liturgy of the Hours to place myself in the presence of the One who has the three solutions to that dissonance between my humanity and its higher and intended fulfillment. What I know in my heart is fulfilled by my active and progressive growth each day is just being present to God but realizing that this God is the pure knowledge of life, the pure love of the way for me to reach the deepest dimensions of my humanity, and the pure truth uncorrupted by matter, time and original sin. This is why St. Augustine famously coined the statement, “Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee.” Where my free will comes into play is that I must make the choice to be aware daily of the transformation of my false self to something more human (capacitas dei in the context of conversio morae). Only a transcendent force of pure energy has the power to overshadow me with pure knowledge, pure love, and pure truth, in a way that does not burn out my limited human qualities of reason and free choice. Rather, gently gathers me up in a warm blanket of divine energy that allows me to prepare my humanity to live in the incorruptibility of what my nature intended in the Garden of Eden. All I have to do is say YES, be it done unto me, according to your Word. That takes an energy of the Holy Spirit that is beyond mere human capabilities.

I know who God is according to my capacity to receive that pure energy and fulfill the longing of my heart to be in the presence of the one reality that fulfills my humanity and gives me peace, not as the world does, but the peace that comes from being who I am overshadowed with pure love, pure truth. This is the only resonance that can satisfy my hungry heart to rise about all the gobbledygook of my human nature and rest in silence and solitude, doing work and prayer that stores up treasures I can take to heaven with me, and become one with the community of Saints (saints) gathered together to praise and glorify the Father through Christ with the pure energy of the Holy Spirit…forever. I strive for this as a Lay Cistercian in the hope of the Resurrection from the dead and life in the world to come.

My humble act of abandonment of self to that of the will of God enhances my reason and ability to be obedient to what comes my way each day. I am open, with God’s help, to face the ontic possibility of all being encountered in each situation of each day and say, “That in all things, God is glorified.” St. Benedict.

To be continued…

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