WHAT I DO WHEN WHAT I REACH FOR IS BEYOND MY GRASP…AND IT IS OKAY.

All words are symbols our brain translates into something meaningful if we know the language. The meaning of words, their assumptions, and nuances might differ slightly for each individual because of the accumulated experiences each of us brings to our purpose in life. I am not you; you are not me; God is not us, and we are certainly not God. The fancy philosophical term I always use is: Quidquid recepitur ad modum recipientis recepitur,” which, if I still remember my Latin, loosely translates into “Whatever is received, is received according to the disposition of the one who receives it.”

Hold that thought! My Lectio Divina last night had to do with the final attainments of things that drive me crazy because I just can’t seem to master them and move on to the next. This blog is about ten such “words” that I have tried to grow deeper in my comprehension (capacitas dei). Words have meaning but nuances based on how I perceive them with the sum of my human experience. Take the word “poor.” When I hear it, I think of giving away my physical belongings to be poor, as the Gospels suggest. As a Lay Cistercian, I always have two dimensions to my thinking. One is that of the world and where my humanity learns what it means to be a human being. There is always movement and complexity as, each day, I bump against words, ideas, situations, problems, and relationships that share who I am, depending on how I respond to them. The second is my dying to everything that this world holds as important to rise to a new dimension where I have everything I had before but now the meanings of words take on a much deeper and fulfilling meaning. “Poor” now means divesting myself of all clutter to what is really important but with the added dimension of taking into account what Christ said about it. He said,”

Gospel

Mt 5:1-12

When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain,
and after he had sat down, his disciples came to him.
He began to teach them, saying:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the land.
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the clean of heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,
for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you
and utter every kind of evil against you falsely because of me.
Rejoice and be glad,
for your reward will be great in heaven.
Thus they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

The Beatitude does not speak of the poor in the sense that the world uses it, although there is nothing wrong it that. It simply takes a person to be aware that they are citizens of earth and citizens of heaven (on earth) to think of the deeper, more contemplative meaning involved. Poor in this deeper dimension means divesting oneself of the attachment to things to embrace the deeper poverty within each of us that we must have to divest ourselves of riches that we cannot take with us to heaven.

The point of this blog is to remind me (for I am the only one I have control over, with the one exception of my wife) that this is always a contemplative dimension of physical reality, one not often even considered because of my lack of awareness. Words and their implications are important when I think about reaching a terminal conclusion to abandonment, for example. I will always strive to abandon all the extraneous cuts that tear at my center (Philippians 2:5) each day, but I will never achieve mastery to move on.

THREE CONSIDERATIONS ABOUT ATTAINMENT OR MASTERY OF A HABIT OR SKILL

I. THE INTENDED CONSEQUENCES OF DUAL CITIZENSHIP — As a Catholic, I am marked with the sign of the cross in my innermost being, an indelible tattoo. This comes from the Father accepting me as an adopted son (daughter) and heir to the kingdom. My other citizenship, one that led me to adoption, is earthly in scope, limited to the physical and mental universes, but one in which I am bound to live out whatever existence I have left on earth. Since I have two citizenships, the default one (the world) is subservient to the higher purpose (adoption as a son (daughter) of the Father. In the ten following words and their implications, I am ONLY speaking of the spiritual universe. As shown in the example above of the word “Poor,” my human intelligence defaults to thinking of physical riches and things when I use that word rather than “Poor in Spirit” (abandonment). Here is the takeaway from this idea: All of these ten words can only be comprehended through spiritual and not human means, although their purpose is to uplift my humanity to reach its full potential. This is why My Cistercian Way bids me to meet Christ each day as I am and how I am. Christ is the same today, yesterday, and tomorrow. I must ask Christ for the meaning of spiritual concerns, and I do that through my life as prayer in Lectio, Eucharist, Rosary, Scripture, and Readings of Cistercian fathers and mothers. I don’t worry about finding the finality of meaning with any word from Christ because they exist in the spiritual universe that HAS NO END or FINALITY. Isn’t that what abandonment means, at least in part?

II. THERE IS NO FINALITY WITH ANYTHING TO DO WITH CHRIST — We Catholics have a way that each one of us develops, depending on what we pick up in good or bad experiences along our road of life. Christ alone is the cornerstone, the keys of the kingdom, the template of all reality that makes all things new with my unique life. This is why St. Benedict states in Chapter 4 of the Rule: “Your acting must be different from the world’s way: the love of Christ must come before all else.” This is why each of us must die to our false self only to energy in a world (the kingdom of heaven on earth) where we don’t worry about reaching a final state of attainment in any words or practices with Christ, much less these ten. This dying to our false self is what is called abandonment of our wills to that of Christ, only to emerge to an even higher attainment of our humanity than the earth (world) could ever give. Relax in the serenity and simplicity of just waiting for the Lord. Seek first the kingdom of heaven, says Christ, and all things will be given to you that you need.

III. THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN HAS A BEGINNING FOR ME (BAPTISM) BUT NO ENDING OR FINALITY. — Once I am adopted by the Father because God first loved me before I could begin to try to love others as Christ loved us, I begin to know that I know and to be aware that I am aware in Lectio and Eucharist and other Cistercian practices. My individual Lay Cistercian Way is without finality or an ending, save heaven in heaven, the next step of my spiritual evolution as an adopted son being progression to heaven after this mortal body runs out of gas. Abandonment as a concept is not so much an end in itself but is rather a way to get rid of those earthly ties that bind me. I must let go of every-THING to gain the prize that St. Paul describes as a race to our Omega or fulfillment in Christ. There is no finality with Christ, only the finish line and I strive mightily to run the race because I see the prize. Spirituality is a race for the finish line, a line that never is finished.

All Things to All.

19^* Although I am free in regard to all, I have made myself a slave to all so as to win over as many as possible.ⁿ

20 To the Jews I became like a Jew to win over Jews; to those under the law I became like one under the law—though I myself am not under the law—to win over those under the law.

21 To those outside the law I became like one outside the law—though I am not outside God’s law but within the law of Christ—to win over those outside the law.

22 To the weak I became weak, to win over the weak. I have become all things to all, to save at least some.^o

23 All this I do for the sake of the gospel, so that I too may have a share in it.

24^* Do you not know that the runners in the stadium all run in the race, but only one wins the prize? Run so as to win.^p

25 Every athlete exercises discipline in every way. They do it to win a perishable crown, but we an imperishable one.^q

26Thus I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight as if I were shadowboxing.

27 No, I drive my body and train it, for fear that, after having preached to others, I myself should be disqualified.^* https://bible.usccb.org/bible/1corinthians/9

TEN WORDS AND HOW I TRY FOR MASTERY BUT WILL NEVER ACHIEVE IT IN THIS LIFE…AND I AM OKAY WITH THAT.

When I am more and more aware that what I must do from now until I shake off the trappings of mortal existence (die), I have a mindset that is not of this earthly world, although, ironically, what I pack for my trip to tormorrow I must select from my earthly citizenship and human experiences. My adoption has allowed me to begin the process of knowing, loving and serving God in this world so that I can fulfill my humanity using the template of authentic and absolute truth (the Holy Spirit). These ten words (and many more) are those that exist in the citizenship of the kingdom of heaven on earth. They are not the same words that I use as a citizen of the world. These words are imbued with the influence of God and give life to those who can become awareness enough to bring them into their hearts. These words have no ending or finality, in the sense of being terminated and achieved. They are words that each of us takes with us to heaven and can transition us from citizen of the earth (world) to citizen of heaven (on earth and as it is in the heavens). These ten words and their unique meanings are only present in my citizenship of heaven (on earth). I strive for these habits to allow myself to grow in Christ Jesus (capacitas dei) and fulfill my destiny as an adoted son (daughter) of the Father.

SIIMPLICITY-– Simplicity of my spiritual life means I don’t place my trust in Princes nor do I seek to accumulate THINGS in my life. The deeper meaning is to seek first the kingdom of heaven and all else will be given to be beside. I don’t worry about divesting myself of THINGS but rather seek first to invest my energies in “Having in me the mind of Christ Jesus.” Then, I can tackle the corruptible THINGS in my life. Like all these words, a Lay Cistercian is a way of life that is always in the process of attainment but never finality. The process is part of prayer. Simplicity has no end and is a process not an attainment.

ABANDONMENT- Abandonment in the sense I use it here is letting go of my inner tensions to always have a product as a result of any time I spend. I abandon my will, my most precious gift from the Father as an adopted son and say, “Thy will be done in heaven as it is on earth.” Cistercians call this “conversio morae,” or moving deeper into the mystery of what it means to be human. What it means to be human includes a spiritual depth only accessable if I abandon my humanity and its assumptions and just on my couch and wait for the Lord. Abandonment in its ultimate form is giving up my physical life to embrace heaven with Jesus. The early matryrs abandoned their physical bodies only because they were aware of a greater dimension to life. As a Lay Cistercian, I suffer martyrdom, too, but it is in the complete abandonment each day in the context of my waffling and wobbling down the path of righeousness. I now use a wheeled walker, but it works. Abandonment has no end and is a process.

FAITH— Faith only comes from God; Belief only comes from my response to Faith. Like going to an electric terminal to fill up my electric car, if I don’t fill up each day, I run out of energy to sustain my Faith. Eucharist and the Cistercian practices allow me to have Christ in me physically and also mentally and spiritually. Greater love has no one than they give their life for another. Eucharist is that gift to me and together through, with, and in Christ, it is OUR gift of glory and honor back to the Father in gratitude. Faith has no end and is a process.

LOVE— We know what love is because Christ first loved us and gave us all we need to love others as He loves us. Like human love, we can lose it if we don’t use it properly. Love is that elusive but essential ingredient humans generate to link our meaning in life with other people and events. The love of Christ is evident in how much He was willing to abandon (kenosis) so that we could once more love as nature intended our species. (Philippians 2:5-12) Love waxes and wanes due to original sin so we have the living body of Christ to bolster us in good time and in bad, in sickness and health. There is no end to this love of Christ only the next level of maturation. This depends on me and how much I grow in Christ by taking up the cross I bear and walking the way. (capacitas dei) Love has no ending if Christ is with me. I am in process of movement and growing in complexity (even when I get to heaven in heaven).

PEACE— Christ tells us that He give us peace but not as the world gives peace. This peace of Christ is allowing our humanity to reach ever closer to what our nature has intended us to be. The Ten Commandment and the Beatitudes are not words as much as dymanic tonics for our spiritual maturation. Bring peace into my heart means there is no room for hatred of others or myself. I abandon my being hostage to hatred and coveting its product–pride, envy, deceit, lust, mendacity, hedonism, and much more. Hatred never exists in a vacume in our inner room of our sanctuary. It is like mould which continues to both infect all it touches and infest its host with eventual corruption of the mind and spirit. Peace of Christ is the presence of love in our hearts and not the absence of conflict. There is no end to this Peace of Christ just as there is no end to the Eucharist when we repose it in the tabernacle of our inner sanctum, our inner room, the temple of the Holy Spirit.

FIDELITY — Conversatio morae, (daily conversion of moving from my false self to my true self as an adopted son (daughter) of the Father, means I must be on constant guard not to allow original sin (the condition of being human) to encroach on my center (“Have in you the mind of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 2:5). My will must be vigilant against the fog of apathy to all things spiritual. If I do nothing, I will surely fail. Being a Lay Cistercian has allowed me the opportunity to be aware that I must be faithful, as in “The fidelity of the Lord endures forever.” Fidelity means keeping my eyes on the prize, even when all seems lost and fruitless. Christ helps me with fidelity as I sit in His presence and listen “…with the ear of my heart” to the Holy Spirit. There is no end to this practice of fidelity and I must keep vigilant watch until my final moments as a citizen of earth.

PRAYER— Prayer is much more than reciting formula prayers, although that is certainly a valid expression of prayer. Prayer, in the generic sense, is lifting the heart and mind to God and, when necessary, using words. Liturgy of the Hours, Eucharist, Penance, are all examples of public prayers (even if you say it privately). Lectio Divina is private prayer and performed in the silence of our hearts. I don’t pray alone, although I might have private prayers. Christ is always with me as I pray because without Christ, my prayers would not find fulfillment between Father and Son. My life each day is dedicated to prayer, although I don’t think of God each moment. Their is no finality with any prayer because it is an ongoing process of fulfilling our destiny as adopted sons and daughters of the Father. There might seem like a beginning and ending to a prayer, but remember vertical growth that has no ending or finality. We take everything linked through our relationship to Christ with us to heaven in heaven. There is no end to the supreme Eucharistic Prayer of Christ to the Father and my voluntary participation in it.

TREASURES— Only the rich get to heaven, but to those who hold dual citizenship (earth and kingdom of heaven) you can take it with you, but with this exception. The treasures you accumulate in your life on earth and kingdom of heaven must be what God considers riches, not what you value. There is no finality to what you can pack for your journey to forever. What I pack, I can enjoy later on in heaven. Scriptures are the guidebook of what to pack and how to sustain it as long as your body exists. There is no end to the items I can take with me to heaven.

ENERGY-– Energy is the only constant in the three universes of physical, mental, and spiritual. In the physical universe, matter and the laws of nature dictate a change from one form of matter into energy and back to a new creation. In the mental universe, I have the energy of the mind and free will to observe the physical and mental universes and discover what is meaningful. For some, they discover a deeper meaning to humanity, the end result of their evolution, the next step in human complexity, called the spiritual universe. The spiritual universe has a foot in both the physical and mental universes (visible reality) but adds the dimension of being unseen to the eye, but not the human heart. This universe may only be entered by a choice of free will, one that abandons the seen universe in favor of a way of thinking that includes both visible and invisible reality. There is no end to this spiritual universe, whereas both physical and mental universes will deteriorate an eventually end.

Practically speaking, my Lectio Divina is based on my assumptions that this energy from Christ through the Holy Spirit is true. It is true, not because I believe, but I believe because it is true. Christ could work on miracles on those who did not believe that miracle are possible. When I am sitting in the presence of the Holy Spirit, waiting for what awaits me, I abandon all my human wants and needs that shape who I am, in favor of letting God shape the deepest part of my inner self. In that upper room, the simplicty of the Divine Transformation of energy from who God is to who I am to become is the movement and complexity that is at the core of my humanity. In giving up my humanity, I enhance it exponentially that no amount of good, human works can accomplish. Eucharist in its most profound sense, is Jesus becoming flesh once again in me, walking his designated way, and, together, we can approach the Father giving honor and glory (the gift of my humanity and its most coveted asset, free will) in gratitude for my adoption as son (daughter). Faith is God’s energy in me, according to my capacity to receive it (capacitas dei) and my awareness of who I am in the sight of God (humility). The energy of God just is.

SERVICE– When we are told that we are made in the image and likeness of God, once again, the context of this statement is not what the world sees as a likeness or image. What does God look like? In the Old Testament, the Word denotes three dimensions, each one separate from one another yet all one. They are pure knowledge and pure love combined to produce energy that is pure service (filioque in the Nicene Creed). St. Thomas Aquinas says that knowledge comes before Love. Love and Knowledge together produce energy, that of service. Service is the one constant that Jesus asks his followers to emulate in their lives because it reflects who God is. There is no Service in Christianity without knowledge or love (Deuteronomy 6:5 amd Matthew 22:36ff). Once more, a reminder that the meaning of these words is peculiar to the kingdom of heaven (on earth but most assuredly in heaven). God does not have an image as we know it. God is pure knowledge, pure love, and pure service, all interlating together to produce divine energy, which is 100% of God’s nature. We don’t have a way to even begin to understand this, but Christ, Son of God, Savior, became one of us to tell us stories and walk the way of contradiction to give humans a way to evolve beyond their stalled human evolution based only on matter and mind. (John 20:30-31)

When this gratitude fills the cup of blessings, like it did when the Holy Spirit overshadowed the Blessed Mother, our individual cups are full, indicating that our humanity is, at its core, what nature itself intended it to be before the Fall. The cup of Mary was full of her humanity, not because of anything Mary did, but because the Holy Spirit overshadowed her and filled her with energy. Mary, being aware of what was happening to her, uttered the now famous response, The Magnificat.

When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the infant leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth, filled with the holy Spirit,^s

42cried out in a loud voice and said, “Most blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb.^t

43And how does this happen to me, that the mother of my Lord^* should come to me?

44For at the moment the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the infant in my womb leaped for joy.

45Blessed are you who believed^* that what was spoken to you by the Lord would be fulfilled.”^u

The Canticle of Mary.

46^v And Mary said:^*

“My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord;^w

47my spirit rejoices in God my savior.^x

48For he has looked upon his handmaid’s lowliness;

behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed.^y

49The Mighty One has done great things for me,

and holy is his name.^z

50His mercy is from age to age

to those who fear him.^a

51He has shown might with his arm,

dispersed the arrogant of mind and heart.^b

52He has thrown down the rulers from their thrones

but lifted up the lowly.^c

53The hungry he has filled with good things;

the rich he has sent away empty.^d

54He has helped Israel his servant,

remembering his mercy,^e

55according to his promise to our fathers,

to Abraham and to his descendants forever.”^f

56Mary remained with her about three months and then returned to her home.

https://bible.usccb.org/bible/luke/1

These ten words (among the thousands of others) are words all adopted sons and daughters use to discern the meaning of what it means to be human, what is means to love authentically, and what is the truth. Truth is never found on the surface of anything, each of us must dig for it, but we must KNOW where to dig for it, the value of what we seek, and share it with those around us, as Jesus did. Christ is the way, the truth, and the life for a reason. We have reason and the ability to choose that seemingly unreasonable reality so we can fulfill our humanity and grow in consciousness and complexity toward our destiny as a race.

All of us should be grateful for the chance, the opportunity to move to that next level of our human evolution, adoption as sons and daughters of a loving Father.

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