CAPACITAS DEI: My neverending quest to grow deeper into The Christ Principle.

For a Lay Cistercian, spirituality, as I see it, becomes a neverending process of movement toward more complexity, as set forth by the Jesuit Paleontologist, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin. I have adopted his chart on the movement from where I was to where I will be as my template against which I think and challenge the meaning of reality. For my spirituality, that can only mean that whatever Lectio Divina or Lay Cistercian practice I do, it is with the conscious (or unconscious) awareness that Christ alone makes all things new through the Holy Spirit. I need to place myself in the presence of the Holy Spirit and WAIT.

The two tenants of Cistercian Spirituality are capacitas dei— ever growing and consciously seeking to move from my old self (what was) to my new self (what is, but with a twist), which is the centrality of The Christ Principle as the defining key to allow me to grow spiritually. He must increase and I must decrease, says St. John the Baptist. The second habit to which I commit myself to consciously do each day is called conversio morae— This translates to “preferring nothing to the love of Christ,” as St. Benedict states in Chapter 4 of the Rule. These two habits, which open up a myriad of other habits I seek to have in me, reinforce the main obsession with WAITING.

Waiting requires two things for me to break the bones of my former self to reset them as an Adopted Son (Daughter) of the Father and be patient enough to endure the martyrdom of the ravages of original sin as I seek each day to become more like Christ. The first one is to place me in the presence of the one who can give me the only energy that can sustain me against the onslaughts of the Prince of this Earth (Satan). I do this by a conscious act of the will to walk the Lay Cistercian Way as I have designed it. It is unique to me but in common with all other Cistercian monks and nuns plus all other Lay Cistercians. This is preferring nothing to the love of Christ by wanting to be present to the one you love. Like knowing what human love is, spiritual love is longing to be in the presence of the one who enables me to be most human as I sit next to Christ in my upper room of the heart and WAIT. The second dimension of WAITING is to do so consistently and regularly, even formulating a schedule to help my weak human nature to rise above its selfish inclinations and do what is right versus what is easy. What is right is not what my will seeks to do but taking up the cross daily to do what Christ will have me do. And what is that? I must wait and listen to the “ear of the heart” until I can assimilate truth into my cup and then act on that inspiration. God’s language is silence, a whisper of the slightest sound, a shadow there then fleeting, followed by the overwhelming feeling of being overshadowed by an energy that is not of my own human making. “Thy will be done,” (obedience) is the key to everything. It is the one gift for which we have been created since before the beginning of time and matter. It is the ultimate realization that, unlike Adam and Eve found out, I am not God but the greatest gift I can give God, through, with, and in Christ in the Eucharist, is to say, “Be it done unto me according to your Word.”

My approach to discovering reality these days becomes one where I long to place myself in the presence of Christ and experience the warmth of the overshadowing of the Holy Spirit. In all of this theoretical-sounding paradox, the truth is, I seek to love God with ALL my heart(LOVE); with ALL my mind (KNOWLEDGE); and with all my strength, and to love my neighbor as myself (SERVICE). (Matthew 22:36) When I look at what the purpose of life is, I am looking at what the Scriptures call “being made in the image and likeness of God.” God doesn’t have an image or likeness. Those are human terms where I can somehow fumble around with appreciating the way, the truth, and the life. What God has, what God is, is pure knowledge, pure love, and pure service (energy). God remains beyond my capacity or capability with one exception, If I see Christ, I see the Father. And how do I see Christ? Waiting in the presence of my upper room for whatever comes each day; being consistent with my Lay Cistercian practices (as I can with all the jumbled health problems) and in fidelity, to “Have in me the mind of Christ Jesus,” as much as humanly possible. Embracing the martyrdom of ordinary living and seeking God where I find God.

As one who follows Cistercian practices and charisms using (silence, solitude, work, prayer, and community, my prayer times for Lectio Divina, Eucharist, Rosary, Reading Sacred Scripture, and Adoration before the Blessed Sacrament, are fixed, in that they have a beginning and end. What I am discovering as I grow ever deeper and deeper in the Christ Principle, is, without even being aware of it, my work morphs into silence, solitude, and prayer in the context of sharing. Prayer is a process of awareness and choice of my will to sit next to the will of Christ on a park bench, in the middle of winter, and list for His heartbeat so that His will infects my own and enhances it as an adopted son (daughter) of the Father.

I try to reinforce good habits and substitute good ones for bad ones. This process is one which I would like to share with you. Take what you want from it.

GROWING DEEPER IN CHRIST JESUS (Capacitas Dei) One of the habits I try to place in my life on a regular basis is to read Chapter 4 of the Rule of St. Benedict each day. Each day! There are two parts to his habit: taking the time to pull out that old Rule of St. Benedict, turning to Chapter 4 and reading it to the end, and then doing that each day.

Here is the plan that I use to help me move from my false self to my true self (capacitas dei) and convert my life from being selfish to being fully human in my next step of evolution (conversio morae). I will offer you an outline of each step I take.

LEVEL ONE: Read Chapter 4 each day in its entirety for thirty consecutive days. Read as you can, but each day. This is information. Read in silence and solitude (internal, because external will drive you crazy) slowly but continuously. Don’t try to meditate on these precepts. Just read it, then put the book away until the next day. Only at the end of thirty days, look back to ask yourself three questions:

• Was I diligent in reading Chapter 4 each day?
• Did I grow in Christ Jesus at all?
• Do I feel the presence of Christ sitting next to me?

LEVEL TWO: For the next thirty days, pray Chapter 4 as you read it. You should be old friends with the word, now let the word become flesh and dwell in you. Don’t let time take you hostage. This is God’s time so just enjoy the experience. Be conscious that this is the formation of you from what you were to what Chapter 4 and St. Benedict challenges you to become. Notice that all of these good works are for you to grow through the energy of the Holy Spirit, not your power. Only at the end of this second set of thirty days, look back and do a spiritual analysis of these thirty days. Ask yourself:

• Was I diligent in reading Chapter 4 each day?
• Did I let Christ fill me with His heartbeat?
• Do I feel the presence of Christ sitting next to me?

LEVEL THREE: You have read the word for thirty days and prayed the world for thirty days, now you must share what you have received (service) by reading Chapter 4 one more time for thirty days. Remember why you are doing this. You want to “have in you the mind of Christ Jesus,” so you must put it there by choice. Each day! Don’t be fooled into thinking that sharing the word means you must have a discussion with others and tell them what you thought of your experiences. It is that, of course. My penchant is to share myself with Christ who just shared himself with me (service) in my reading (knowledge) and praying (love). Think of yourself in the upper room of your heart, doors locked, only you there and whomever you wish to share yourself with. (Matthew 6:5) You can invite the Devil in to take up residence there, but your behaviors will reflect this guest. I have made a profession of my commitment as a Lay Cistercian to ask Christ into my heart deliberately and with great anticipation each day. What I get out of it is what I put into it– to be open to sharing Christ’s knowledge, love, and service through no power to mine (the Holy Spirit) but to simply be aware that I am aware of the “fear of the Lord,” (Rule, Chapter 7, Step One of Humility). I first share with Jesus in this upper room each day for thirty days (THE WAY), knowing that the Holy Spirit is there and together we give glory, honor, and blessing to the Father (THE TRUTH), so that I can continue to claim my inheritance for God, (source of authentic LIFE, or what it means to be fully human). My participation in this intimate sharing is the closest thing I come to beginning to be aware of what it means for me to be created in the image (knowledge, love, service) and likeness (Father and Son exchange pure knowledge, pure love, and this produces a third person of the Trinity, the Holy Spirit, who proceed from the Father and the Son, all three persons but only one God. As St. Thomas Aquinas says, “I believe, help my unbelief.”

Only at the end of this third set of thirty days, look back and do a spiritual analysis of the thirty days. Ask yourself:

• Was I diligent in reading Chapter 4 each day?
• Did I grow in Christ Jesus at all? Did I hear the heartbeat of Christ as I sat next to Christ?
• Do I feel the presence of God sitting next to me? Can I see what is unseen with the human eye?

LEVEL FOUR: The words you have read are now on your mind, on your lips, and reside in your heart. With God’s words, you become what you read/pray/share. It is a habit that takes mastery and some time to be consistent and consciously focused on waiting for God to speak to you. When you read Chapter 4, think about these tools for good works and let God tell you how to proceed. The key here is waiting for God to speak to you.

LEVEL FIVE: Take some time to retreat to your upper room (Matthew 6:5), lock the door, and wait. No agenda, no petitions, no asking God for mercy. Just wait for Christ to illuminate your heart with the power of His heart. If you think you don’t have time for this, remember that you have all the time there is until your physical body is separated from your spiritual one.

• Waiting is contemplation, without your agenda, waiting for Christ’s agenda, in silence and solitude of that upper room, despite the chaos surrounding your physical and mental universes.
• Waiting is a prayer for the Holy Spirit to overshadow you with divine energy, as much as you can absorb with your capacitas dei.
• Waiting means you say, “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”
• Waiting means you say, “Be it done unto me according to your word.”
• Waiting is hope in the Resurrection of Christ that takes place in my Temple of the Holy Spirit each moment, each day. It is when I am aware of the many layers of complexity that I become one with the movement of The Christ Principle as it progresses intelligently from Alpa to Omega.

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