A Lay Cistercian Looks at Spiritual Reality
As one who can only aspire to be a Lay Cistercian, I aim to seek God by moving from self to God. That word, moving, is actually key to my attempts. Here are some reflections on moving from my false self to my true self. In our most recent retreat, one of the monks at Holy Spirit (2018) said conversion is a big reason monks come to the monastery or Lay Cistercians join a group dedicated to Cistercian practices and charisms. Conversion means growing from our old self to our new one, denying ourselves, taking up our cross daily, and following Christ. Conversion of life is movement. For me, conversion of self to God is a process, one that includes using the Cistercian Way, not a final state of attainment in my lifetime. The journey is the important thing because that is what I wake up to every morning. Each day is a lifetime; each day begins by making everything new. Like any journey, you need to know where you are going, have a good reason to be on the trip, and prepare for it with food and water and appropriate transportation. St. Paul calls it a race in Philippians 3 and adds that the reason for his race is that Christ won the race for all of us.
QUO VADIS
“Quo Vadis, Latin for, ‘Where are you going?’; according to a legend first found in the apocryphal Acts of St Peter, the apostle Peter, fleeing the persecutions in Rome, met Christ on the Appian Way and asked him, ‘Domine, quo vadis [Lord, where are you going]’. Receiving the reply that Christ was going to be crucified again, Peter understood that this would be in his place; he accordingly turned back and was martyred.
The Oxford Dictionary of Phrase and http://www.encyclopedia.com/humanities/dictionaries-thesauruses-pictures-and-press-releases/quo-vadis
Our destiny is not pre-destined, it seems. Our human will can change our behavior, which is the essence of what we call free choice. Some choices are good for us, and some are bad for us. As a loving Father, God sent His Son to tell us what is good for us and what will lead us to live Forever.
In my Lectio Divina (Phil 2:5), I thought of the whole concept of pole reversal (don’t ask why, I never know why), and how in our physical world, the North and the South poles have actually reversed in the long history of our planet. I was thinking that everything is bound together as, physical, mental, and spiritual universes. What happens in one universe happens in all of them, although substantially different and in accordance with the Laws of each Universe.
LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE
THE PHYSICAL UNIVERSE –– Laws, as I understand them, are those principles from which reality flows and help us explain why things are and how they might be. We muse mathematics, physics, and chemistry, the languages that help us discover reality and how matter and energy behave. I still have a problem with Time, but at least it is effected and affected by matter and energy. Scientific thought processes measure what is and make conclusions and deductions based on facts (at least those we hold to be true until further evidence proves them wrong). The scientific human is a tidy thinker, like an accountant. Everything must be in its proper place. Science cannot measure the future but can extrapolate it, using the best evidence to date. If I tell you that humans are the only sentient beings in the whole known universe, you begin the computations (e.g., The Drake Equation) to prove that there could be extraterrestrial life out there, but we have no scientific proof of it, what we do have is logic and probability, which suggests that there may be (I stress the may) life out there. You can’t rule it out. What has just happened is our projection of what we know to what we don’t know. Science says there may be something out there called Dark Matter and Dark Energy, although we have not seen it. So here, the physical universe benefits from the mental universe (the domain of human reason, collectively and individually).
MENTAL UNIVERSE — The mental universe is one reserved for reasoning beings only. Dogs and cats, elephants, and kangaroos are not part of this universe. Have you ever asked your dog a question, such as, what time is it? Did you get an answer? Animals have an animal nature. They share our DNA, they are oxygen-breathing like us, and they reproduce like us, but they are not us. Why is that? Is there some grand design that we can’t quite pull together, something that makes all reality fit together? So far, we have talked about two-thirds of reality, most of it visible and measurable. When we factor in the mental universe, some laws are not scientific but more subjective and open to interpretation. Science doesn’t play well in this playground. Too nebulous. They are correct; it is too obtuse sometimes. This is the world where find meaning and purpose to life, where we find out our purpose in life, where we use all of our knowledge to discover what reality looks like, where we use our mental processes and our history to make sense of reality and to begin to ask questions about how all of this fits together, to discover how to love fiercely, and finally, we know we will die, now what? Only humans can look at the universe and ask what is it and how is it? Unique people, like the late Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking, have advanced enough to peer into how it all fits together.
In just looking around on television, the most unlikely of venues to discover what is meaningful on the planet, I came up with four different ways of thinking about what is of value. I base this on the story of the blind men of Hindustan as they are each asked to describe an elephant. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJVBQefNXIw I use all the following languages of being because they have led me to a deeper appreciation of my humanity and where I fit in it. As such they are the bases of the assumptions about why I relate to an unseen God and, actually more important, how I do it each day to grow in my humanity.
THE SCIENTIFIC APPROACH-– This is an approach that stresses a rigorous analysis of physical matter using the languages of mathematics, physics, the geologic sciences, statistics, and scientific analyses through position papers. I use this approach as part of my combination of languages to look at reality and try to figure out what being fully human using our next level of evolution might be. The Achilles heel of science is that it only uses the languages of science (only recently acquired through advances in the last hundred years) to look at matter and its properties while denying invisible reality. For me, it is good for what it does, but, it does not have the energy to lift me up to the next level of my consciousness.
THE HISTORICAL APPROACH--I use this approach to search for people who have actually existed and are not fictitious. Do you know Orville Kahl? Orville is deceased and was a television technician in my hometown of Vincennes, Indiana on 6th Street. Orville fixed Muntz televisions way back in the early ’60s.
My point here is, you probably don’t know Orville or his life story, but he did exist and was not a figment of my imagination. I could probably look up on the Internet to find Orville but with great difficulty. The longer Orville lived (one hundred to two hundred years ago) we tend to blur all those fine details about him, if anyone even remembers his name. The Catholic Church of 2023 is much different from the Church of the Apostles. This was a time of transition from the Old Testament to the New Testament, of moving beyond the Temple in Jerusalem to the New Jerusalem which encompasses the whole world. It is the same Church and we can trace back people who lived in some instances.
THE CONCEPTUAL APPROACH– Much of what I think about Jesus and the Holy Spirit is conceptual. I have not seen their historical faces, yet I know that they have a profound presence in my life. I have not seen the face of Hugh of Lincoln, but I know he exists through the historical approach. https://www.britannica.com/biography/Saint-Hugh-of-Lincoln You may not have ever heard of Hugh of Lincoln. Does that mean he never existed? I hope not. I use the scientific and conceptual approaches most of the time. I postulate about the “spine of reality” that Teilhard de Chardin has as a way to see the continuity and maturation of consciousness from creation to Omega. Is this true? Wrong question for me. I ask, “How can this lead me to use The Christ Principle” to discover deeper meaning about what it means for me to be a human being. You wouldn’t believe where I have been in the depths of my mind. I liken it to, but only a fraction of, what the late Steven Hawking was able to do in his mind with theoretical mathematics and physics. What a mind! Like the scientific approach, this theoretical approach of concepts is based on going to places the mind has dared not travel before and asking the interrogatories.
THE LITERARY APPROACH –– This most popular approach to describing what is meaningful takes the form of classic myth forms (see Joseph Campbell and Mircea Eliade), stories, similies, fables, archetypal books like Genesis and The Gospel of St. John), plus any other cognitive approach to punch deeper into reality to unleash the buried treasures of archetypes, types, heroes and heroines, Saints, and models of what it means to be fully human as nature intended. It is the human way of communicating what is but cannot be seen, what might be but is just beyond making sense out of it. Myth, far from being a fairy tale is the more intense and archetypal literary device humans have to postulate a reason why we show up on this planet in this time with just the right combination of gases and protections for life to move (intelligent progression).
The Old Testament writings and New Testament fulfillment are designed as a HOW TO book on what to do and NOT do to relate to God. Each age looks at the invisible reality they term God with different lenses. At one point, God is El Shaddai (on the mountain top as with Moses). As they gained experiences of what was true, Israel wrestles with weaving down the path of the covenant, in and out of belief, ups and downs of awareness that God even exists. It sounds like our age is still engaged in that game of yo-yo. In the New Testament, what was true became not keeping the Law but reading about it (although that was a stage in our awareness of God). Christ came as one to tell us and show us that the Law is not wrong so much as people have not moved from the notion of covenant for a select people, to that select people taking the Word made Flesh to the World and sharing it with those who are not Jewish. All of us are Jewish in our roots (the root of Jesse) but are not Zionists.
Against this development in complex emphases, the early Church termed itself catholic and is open to all humans of all races at all times to the possibility of the manifest ability of The Christ Principle in their individual lives. This is true as long as the individual accepts Absolute Truth as the template against which everything is measured. Not everyone will see this truth, nor agree on what truth is (Pilate’s famous question to Christ, “What is Truth?” Christ is the way, the truth, and the life. If I have Christ in me, and the only way I do that is to put it there EACH AND EVERY DAY.
The Covenant of the Old Testament is my covenant, although it has progressed through New Testament, The Church Universe to this very day.
The Covenant with Christ exists, not twenty centuries ago, but right now for me. I have the Scriptures, Writings of the Early Church (Apostles), Ecumenical and Regional Councils through the ages, and Magisterium all to safeguard the truth for me today, the same one Christ is teaching me right now in my heart of hearts (Matthew 6:5).
My Covenant with Christ began with Baptism with water, when The Father and Holy Spirit shadowed me with their living spirit of truth. I have had to unravel what that Baptismal moment means using all of these languages. Am I correct? I Hope so (upper case is significant).
THE CORRUPTION OF TRUTH
All of these approaches to truth are based on a reality that is corrupt (physically, mentally, and even spiritually). As such, truth exists in a human condition that has a beginning and an ending. Science is corrupt because the theories of today might not hold up to the advances of human evolution and AI in the future. This is not to say they are incorrect now, as much as they are not absolute truth, admitting of no change and remaining the same in all three universes (physical, mental, and spiritual).
It is my contention that there is no absolute truth except in the divine nature of God. When Jesus says, “I am the way, the truth, and the life,” he is not using the words that we use to describe reality. As the Son of God and our friend, God tells me that I must dump all my preconceived notions to embrace something that my reasoning says can’t possibly be true. Scripture calls this “kenosis” (Philippians 2:5) or emptying of self. St. Charles de Foucault called it an abandonment of God’s will. When I look at all of the fallacies of the world, one without absolute truth, everything is relative. Science seeks to remedy this by using a way to look at the reality that rises above individual opinions. I like that. My problem has always been that it doesn’t look at everything in its “theory of everything.” Absolute truth exists outside of the human condition or nature and is actually pure energy, the truth of knowledge, love, and of service, yet one nature that is not human nor animal.
I speculate that God (being pure service or sharing) “cannot not” become more in its nature as an end product, so we have the heavenly choirs of angels, Archangels, and the “spine of reality,” as described by Teilhard de Chardin, and ultimately humans (or any other species out there somewhere). Because the source of all that is is God as creator, God’s fingerprints (DNA) are within each atom, molecule, galaxy, Sun, Plante, Earth, living things, animal nature, and human nature.
SPIRITUAL UNIVERSE– The question that has dogged humans since they first knew that they knew is, is that all there is? We do well in our Western culture with what we can see. We do not handle what is invisible very well. Most of what is meaningful is invisible, so it is difficult for the scientific approach to make sense of it.
I need the physical universe as a base for existing. I need the mental universe as a way to make sense of the physical universe and to self-reflect on why I am even here? All I have for tools are my life experiences and those languages I have learned to translate visible and invisible reality into something that I hope makes sense for my next level of evolution as a human, being an adopted son (daughter) of the Father now, and in the life that is incorruptible. It all sounds like a fairy tale. And so it is? Who would believe it, if the Resurrection Moment did not happen?
TWO DIMENSIONS OF TRUTH THAT CONFOUND REASON
I have discovered in my own life that there are two bumps that have made me slow down in my thinking about visible reality alone as the only way to discover what exists.
THE FOUR QUESTIONS I ASK MYSELF
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO WAKE UP IN A CORRUPT WORLD AND TRY TO SWIM IN THE WATERS OF HUMAN IMPERFECTION? Include in this is: what are good behaviors and what are those behaviors, that, if I do them, will lessen, not strengthen my humanity? How do I use the most powerful animal urge I inherited from my past, the urge to procreate? Why is there evil in the world and where does it come from? Is there a force outside of myself that pulls me towards an unseen fulfillment of my humanity? How can I use my sexuality and procreational tendencies to be authentically human and not animal?
HOW CAN I GET THE POWER TO LIFT MYSELF UP TO THE NEXT LEVEL OF MY HUMAN EVOLUTION? What is my destiny? Is there an invisible part of like or am I condemned to live out existence with just what I can see and observe until I die? What part does Christ play in all this cacophony of seeming contradiction and bustling of self-proclaimed prophets that I should follow what they say to reach fulfillment for my human destiny? Non-believers in the Resurrection and Real Presence of Christ are not bad as much as oblivious that Christ alone lifts them up to that next level of their human evolution through their adoption as sons and daughters of the Father. Humans don’t have that power as part of their humanity. Jesus, being of both human and divine nature, paid the ransom for many (redeemer) and became the only way humans can reach the destiny that their nature intended.
WHAT IS ABSOLUTE TRUTH? Who can provide me with a truth beyond my human nature’s freedom to choose? Why it is necessary for me to give away my YES and NO to a higher power to fulfill my humanity and raise me to the next level of my evolution? In the physical and mental universes, I seek to know what truth is through reasoning and my choices of what makes me more human. As a citizen of heaven (the physical, mental, and spiritual universes) I seek the truth but not from my reason alone but from being in the presence of truth as a person (the Holy Spirit). I am not able to be divine in nature, but God, through Baptism, welcomed me as an adopted son, to be the most human I could be. Mary is the type of what this relationship is. Truth is a person in this relationship, not a fact or description of reality. That is why I sit on that park bench in the middle of winter and just wait to hear the faint heartbeat of Christ, meaning power, kingdom, and glory come from God to me, as I am able to absorb it. (capacitas dei) Where can I get the power beyond myself to be myself in all its fullness? What do I need to do to be saved, not once, but each day I wake up?
HOW CAN I USE MY HUMAN REASONING AND ABILITY TO CHOOSE WHAT IS GOOD FOR ME TO ACCESS THE DIVINE EQUATION AND RECEIVE CORRECT ANSWERS? I plop into the lifeline of life for seventy to eighty years (82.9 as the only one who ever lived. I have my whole lifetime to discover the meaning or purpose of life, what my purpose in life is, what is the scope of reality, how it all fits together, how I can love fiercely, and what I must do until I die to maintain meaning.
If there is no God, which is hypothetical in my case, I will have answered, at least partially, what my next step in my evolution is and lived here and now with peace, the prosperity of spirit, love of neighbor (still a struggle), and the happiness of knowing that I am part of resonance of the totality of all that is, rather than the dissonance of not knowing, loving or serving humanity.
TRUTH: THE FOUR INSCRUTABLES
Having explored truth in a deeper way, I invite you to move even deeper into truth. I have already elaborated on inscrutables in terms of The WAY, and also THE LIFE, so I will just offer a brief overview of THE TRUTH.
Inscrutable, as I understood the concept, is an improbable condition that allows me to seek an answer to the question, “What is true?” Four qualities are required to get an answer.
These four inscrutables help me to answer the question, “What is the truth, and how do I know that what I think the truth is, is true?
THE CROSS –– If I want to know what is good for me and what is not (knowledge of good and evil), somehow, it must involve the cross of Christ. Ever wonder why you begin every Catholic prayer with the sign of the Cross? That is the sign in which you were Baptized, the price Christ paid for our redemption to be adopted sons and daughters of the Father. Baptism takes away the barriers between divinity and humanity but the effects still remain. Those effects the Church calls Original Sin, but it is the condition of corruptibility into which we are all born. At the heart of this is knowing how to be an authentic human with an orientation to heaven, or how to be unauthentic in our human nature that leads to becoming just a human who is born, lives, loves, and then that is it. It is good but doesn’t lift our humanity to the level of intelligent progression. Secular humanism, good as it is, doesn’t have the energy to lift my humanity to its intended purpose. I like to look at progression using Teilhard de Chardin’s map (unattributed) to get a big picture of what TRUTH, the WAY, and the LIFE is by viewing the “spine of reality” that God has created for those who run the gauntlet of meaning and misinformation to seek something invisible yet compelling us toward an unseen fulfillment of our nature as intended. St. Augustine would term this: “Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee.”.
Characteristics
THE PAULINE DUALITY
When I read St. Paul’s explanation of how the spirit and the flesh are at odds (Galatians 5), I think of dual citizenship. This happens at Baptism (again with the sign of the cross) and profoundly changes my relationship with God. I am chosen by God in Baptism. I choose God through the gift of the Holy Spirit in Confirmation. Now, for nothing I have done to deserve it, God calls me His Adopted Son, and not only that, but my heritage has expanded to include that next step in my human evolution, Heaven.
I. THE CITIZEN OF EARTH AND THE TRUTH
The only truth that I am capable of choosing is one that originates from me. I give my will to this or that way of thinking, hoping that it will help resolve in me that longing and empty space in my heart that I instinctively feel is missing. The search for truth is one of those three secular mysteries that I must fill or fulfill in my lifetime. With the ability to choose, I can place anything I want at my center with the understanding that, as soon as I do so, I must work to keep it centered there. For example, if I think there is no God is my center (atheism) or, even worse, apathy towards anything outside of myself as being of value, then that is my god, my purpose for life, the center of my life. Due to the conditions of my life, I might change centers many times, even rechoosing the same one several time. The point is: try as I might, I don’t have the power with my humanity to move to that next level of existence, the fulfillment of my humanity, granted that I accept that there is another level to my evolution. Truth is always subjective because it is finite and incorruptible of matter and mind. Not that it is always bad for me. I can love, learn, have meaning, and find purpose in life as a secular humanist. The problem is that the meaning from which I draw my experiences is only human, and I am designed for more than that as an adopted son (daughter) of the Father.
II. THE CITIZEN OF HEAVEN AS THE FULFILLMENT OF OUR EVOLUTION
To be able to make sense out of all of this, the first inscrutable, the cross is a clue that to know the truth, the absolute truth, must exist outside our human nature. Absolute truth is true because it is from God, absolutely. One of the side effects of original sin is that human truth is relative or subjective. The Book of Genesis provides hints as to what this means. The macro view of the Old Testament is the duality between God and humans on what is good for them and what will not help them advance their evolution, as intended by God’s DNA on all reality. The Tower of Bable is a classic example of today’s mess with relativism and where we find the truth. In the kingdom of earth, truth exists in each individual and their choice to say YES or NO to any ideology or fractioning theology. I give the power to say YES or NO to society or a movement within it, but it is still subjective. I can always say NO to what I had originally said YES. The Tower of Bable is not only a confusion of tongues but one of competing ways of thinking. I go from being satisfied with my own thinking to believing that all people should think as I do. All governments, religions, and even non-theistic movements aren’t satisfied with just saying that they don’t believe in this or that. The core of their belief system is not what they believe but rather proving to others that what they (other people) hold is false and they are the true way, and so the true life. It is a very seductive form of idolatry that the Devil just floats in the minds of humans to use their ego to chip away at what is true.
This duality of flesh and spirit, also known as original sin, is a state into which we are all born. My birthright as a citizen of the world is that I am human and not an animal. The citizenship of the spirit means that Christ lifted me up to embrace a high dimension to my humanity, not of divine nature, but, like Mary, the fullness of my humanity. Because I hold this dual citizenship, I feel the effects of original sin, such as working for my food, getting sick, being prone to the temptations of Satan, and eventually, death. As an adopted son or daughter of the Father, I live on a deeper level of existence, where death “holds no sting.”
The Pauline duality answers the rather thorny question of “How can I survive being merely human, subject to my own needs, seeking my own satisfaction, and being fully what my nature intended?” As you can see from the Teilhard map of the “spine of reality,” there is a purpose to life, one that is more than just a human who lives, loves, finds meaning, then dies. My destiny is to Know, Love, and Serve God in this life, and be happy with God in the next life. Truth, in this context, is being present to the only power or energy that allows me to discover who I am, why I am, where I am headed, and what I can do right now to be present as the source of all power, in the kingdom of Christ, and glory that I can give to the Father, through, with, and in Christ. Being a Lay Cistertercian is one way I can convert my false self (citizenship of the world) to that of Christ (adoption as son or daughter of the Father).
“You shall know the truth,” says Scripture, “and the truth will make you free.” This is not truth as the world gives. It is the result of loving others as Christ loved us.
III. THE DIVINE EQUATION
In this third improbable way of discovering absolute truth, I have used the six questions I discovered while formulating the Divine Equation. I came to this realization throughout a lifetime of flailing around the central question of, “How can I prove that God exists?” My conclusion was, consistent with St. Thomas Aquinas and the central premise of his work, Summa Theologica, is you can’t prove something with human reasoning that is absolutely beyond our capacity and capability to comprehend, even if we somehow stumbled upon its measurement, which we haven’t. So, left to the only source of reasoning I have, my life experiences, I came up with five thresholds through which I have passed on my journey to tomorrow. I have re-crafted them into six questions that all humans must ask in their lifetime in order to dig deeper into the next level of our evolution. Do I mean that all humans are required to ask and answer these five questions? No. It does mean that I have asked them and received what I consider answers that calm the restlessness of my humanity and begin to answer that statement posed by St. Augustine of Hippo, “Are hearts are restless until they rest in Thee.”
THE DIVINE EQUATION
I term this the Divine Equation because these six questions are core to all my efforts to discover intelligent design. I have used the Teilhard Map to help me orient my thinking and focus on moving from humanity to spirituality (the third level of evolution). I termed it “divine” because it has nothing to do about discovering much less proving that God exists. What it means is that I use these six questions as coming from the energy of the divinity to allow me to dig deeper into what it means for me to be human. Your conclusions and life experiences are not mine, yet both are valid. In this next inscrutable, The Christ Principle, I will give you what I discovered about the ANSWERS to those six questions. For now, here are the six questions that I think all humans must address before they die. My book, entitled The Divine Equation, covers this more in detail and is available at Amazon.com/books under Dr. Michael F. Conrad.
IV. THE CHRIST PRINCIPLE
The fourth inscrutable contains the answers to six questions of the Divine Equation. The source for both the questions and the answers does not come from the Citizen of the World but rather is a sign of contradiction (the cross) and makes no sense to those who only live in two universes (physical and mental). Most humans live in these two universes and don’t realize that the reason we are is to become more than a mere human, but still contained within human nature.
I can simulate this pure energy only through Christ, the universal translator, the buffer that keeps me from burning up my neurons when I approach pure knowledge, pure love, and pure service that comprise the dynamics of The Trinity.
I became a Lay Cistercian, not just because I had not grown in Christ for many years, but because I could sit on a park bench in the middle of winter and rest there without any agenda other than what Christ wants to share, through the workings of the Holy Spirit. The Divine Equation, yes the questions AND the answers all came from Christ on the park bench with the Holy Spirit overshadowing me. And for my part, all I could say is, “Be it done unto me, according to your Word.”
The Christ Principle is the stone rejected by the builders that has become the cornerstone. My experience is that Christ is present, as in transubstantially present, not only in the Eucharist and Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, but in my Lectio Divina, Liturgy of the Hours, indeed in each hour of each day that I allow Him to be. A key in this is humility to realize it is God I address and that the highest praise in one where Christ and I go to the Father and just say, “Thanks, God, I do not deserve being an adopted son (daughter) of the Father. Have mercy on me, a sinner.”
I do not reject this cornerstone despite it being at odds with my reasoning, but not without challenges from Satan. I use the four inscrutable to address Absolute truth as I am capable (capacitas dei). The Christ Principle is the key, the source of Absolute Truth, the measurement with no matter, time, space, or characteristics of matter, that is the only key to unlock the purpose of life, and the purpose of my life. “No one comes to the Father except through me,” says Christ.
Because Christ is divine, He is Absolute Truth. Because Christ is human, he uses the Scriptures, the teachings of the Church down through the centuries, the Sacraments, and Lay Cistercian practices and charisms, but especially that upper room (Matthew 6:5), where I just sit there in my locked room and be present to the heartbeat of Christ next to me. No agenda of mine is necessary. The power of the Holy Spirit confirms my Baptismal promises, strengthens my resolve to do better at loving others as Christ loved us, and await the fulfillment of my humanity– to be with God in Heaven, forever.
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